My life's probably changed, rather dynamically. I am feeling more miserable about myself lately. Partly because I am thinking too much, I am overanalysing things and even in some people's opinion over complicating simple things. Probably I have shut myself down to those comments and prefer to be this way. Suddenly my dad who was the most incorrigible person to have a sane conversation with, seems to be the best one who gets me. I am beginning to understand I suck at the only thing that I do and it hurts. It hurts more than people would possibly think it would hurt me. I always thought I had a life to correct my mistakes,but today each one that I make it like a stab in the chest. Professional follies are killing me when people tell me on my face, you are probably not the best coder around.
I don't mind, which recruiter reads this, which company tracks this. I proudly proclaim I am one of the most naivest programmers around. I have been scotched and burnt,I take every damn review seriously whoever you are.
I have just begun to live life, looking at it critically. Picking on myself and slapping my own face as I step on the stairs to self torment. Its a long WILL DO list, but itll relinquish one day. One day I swear, its not too far. Wake me up when summer comes.
